The Celibacy Project
The Celibacy Project
THURSDAY, MAY 1, 2008
Holy Shit, It's Been A Month!
30 Things I Have Learned in the Last 30 Days
1. This could be one of the craziest things I've ever done, but it's also one of the most normal things a person can do. Plenty of dudes I know have had to go three months without sex. Just not by choice.
2. Ex-boyfriends are necessary evils like death, taxes and pelvic exams. All necessary evils should be avoided except when they're unavoidable.
3. Poor Bastard can never, ever find out about this blog.
4. Kissing a boy does not necessarily mean breaking a vow of celibacy - but it's a gateway drug and I should just say no.
5. In the words of Woody Allen, "Don't knock masturbation; it's sex with someone I love."
6. Most of the people in my life have always known that I'm willing to be open and honest about my sexual nature. A lot of them just didn't think I was going to be this open and honest. Sorry Mom. And Dad. And Grandma.
7. The Celibacy Project is a marathon, not a sprint. Once I get past the hump, it should get easier. Mmmmmm...humping.
8. One of the reasons guys keep coming onto me lately is because I'm starting to value myself more and that confidence shines through, making me more attractive.
9. The second reason guys keep coming onto me lately is because they only want to take my celibacy away from me. Bastards.
10. The third reason guys keep coming onto me lately - especially the hot ones - is because God thinks it's hilarious.
11. Bad reality TV can actually be better than bad sex.
12. I prefer hardwood to carpet since my carpet does not match the drapes.
13. Not spending time with guys means spending a lot more time with girls. And women derive strength from other women. I am blessed to have such amazing ladies in my life.
14. I might have been/still am a sex addict.
15. I have dated a lot of douchebags.
16. The guy who works at the Dominos by my apartment is the new man in my life.
17. It is better to be looked over than overlooked. Thank you for that one, Mind Fucker.
18. The best thing about being single is sleeping like a starfish every night.
19. Saying something like "bj's" comes off as less aggressive when you rhyme it with something cute like "pj's."
20. It's a lot easier to see the flaws in a relationship after the fact, and the only way to atone for them at that point is to avoid making the same mistakes again.
21. I write better after having a Red Bull - or four.
22. Nuns have it a little bit easier than me because they don't know what they're missing.
23. One of the most disrespectful things I can do to a guy is let him think that we're meant to be together when there's no way in hell we actually are.
24. This is also one of the most disrespectful things I can do to myself.
25. Love rules. Settling drools.
26. Energizer batteries really do keep going.
27. If I go out on July 1st to celebrate, I might have to wear a Hannibal Lecter muzzle so I don't tear the first guy I see to pieces.
28. It is possible for two people who got divorced after thirty years of marriage, and their daughter who was around for most of those years, to sit down and have a nice, civil evening together.
29. People actually want to read about this shit.
30. I can go a month without sex and still feel good about myself. In fact, I can feel even better than I do when I am hopping in and out of beds all the time. Minus the actual orgasms. Mmmmmm...orgasms.
POSTED BY ALLIE B. AT 9:25 AM
FRIDAY, MAY 2, 2008
My Friend The Les