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Gospels & Scriptures from the Church of Astrology von Mager, Mark (eBook)

  • Erscheinungsdatum: 10.12.2014
  • Verlag: BookBaby
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Gospels & Scriptures from the Church of Astrology

This eBook is a collection of four years of daily Horoscopes presented by The Church of Astrology.


    Format: ePUB
    Kopierschutz: none
    Seitenzahl: 129
    Erscheinungsdatum: 10.12.2014
    Sprache: Englisch
    ISBN: 9781483546582
    Verlag: BookBaby
    Größe: 147kBytes
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Gospels & Scriptures from the Church of Astrology

Chapter One: The Planets (2010 - 2011)

Welcome Brothers and Sisters. I love you all.

HOROSCOPE10/1:Love is in the air. It is all around you. Aries is rising. Now is the time. Get caught up in the madness. Share your chips with random strangers.

HOROSCOPE10/2:You drink to party. I drink to forget. Saturn and Neptune mean nothing. Tonight we drink.

HOROSCOPE10/3:Others rejoice, yet you are solemn. Mercury moves in areas I would rather not mention with Venus in the room. (Whispered) Bet low.

HOROSCOPE10/4:Seeking true love? Wait for Libra to be done with Mercury. Also, one of those big furry scarves looks great this time of year.

HOROSCOPE10/5:Time to be adventurous what with Saturn aligning with whomever he pleases since Jupiter's gone. A Moon link? Not on first date my calendar girl.

HOROSCOPE10/7:People offering help? Or is it just more mystic booty? The Moon activates 20 degrees from Gemini. 20 degrees!! Order anything on the menu.

HOROSCOPE10/8:Venus is flat out insane. Re-evaluate your love ties. Mars tells us to hide our secrets. But don't hide them from me.

HOROSCOPE10/9:Be wary of news from someone you're fond of. The Moon cycle is all over the place. Look both ways and then both ways again.

HOROSCOPE10/10:Neptune is in a harmonious trine with Uranus. I know it sounds weird but you must believe me. Have you tried the cod?

HOROSCOPE10/11:Thinking of starting a new business? Pisces is making a 45 degree link with Saturn. Draw attention to yourself by wearing red.

HOROSCOPE10/12:Feeling uneasy? The planetary alignments of Mars/Jupiter is behind it. Fact. The cure? Ten straight rounds of table tennis.

HOROSCOPE10/13:One thing about Leos you can count on: playing The Lion Sleeps Tonight on the jukebox. Take the day off. My treat.

HOROSCOPE10/14:Feeling the heat from the kitchen? Mars demands satisfaction. Don't let romance get in the way of your career. The number five.

HOROSCOPE10/15:Been overeating recently? Pluto now aligned with Moon's little sister. No, the other one. So like, you know, be cool about it.

HOROSCOPE10/16:Financial gains are going around. Jupiter sings like a schoolgirl. Follow your dreams, from a distance. Surgical mask.

HOROSCOPE10/17:Legendary coin flip to be in your favor. Jupiter makes good on bet notoriously entered while drunk. Superstars with frisbees.

HOROSCOPE10/18:Inter-family feuding? Mercury feels your pain, moving into Venus' path. Why not go big. Be the Ray Kroc of your generation.

HOROSCOPE10/19:A true love returns from the past. Jupiter flirts with Moon. If you ever wanted to bake a cake but haven't, today is that day.

HOROSCOPE10/20:Today is the day to get things done. Moon is all about it and so is Neptune. Let's all go to the store together. Who's driving?

HOROSCOPE10/21:Beware of blind justice. Or any justice for that matter. Orion battles Ursa Minor. Lay low while things cool down.

HOROSCOPE10/22:Free at last. The in-laws have left. Its like you can breath again. Screw Mars and his galactic friends! I'm having a beer!

HOROSCOPE10/23:A prime time to invest; the sun is about to shift its zodiacal axis. But whatever happens, do not wear plaid. I have spoken.

HOROSCOPE10/24:Feeling hairier than usual? It is a full Moon. But also, you probably haven't shaved in a while. No, its the Moon. I'm sure.

HOROSCOPE10/25:Things will be different starting today. Mars knows it. Moon knows it. I know it. Once you know it, things will be the same.


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