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Honest, Open, Willing...My Journey From Despair To Hope von Adelman, Steven R. (eBook)

  • Erscheinungsdatum: 19.09.2012
  • Verlag: BookBaby
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Honest, Open, Willing...My Journey From Despair To Hope

This book was originally going to be called 'H.O.W. Honest Open Willing Posts' which was a non-fiction but anonymous story about someone who posts on a social network in a closed group with about 260 understanding friends, family, school mates, and anonymous fellowship members. They start to relate in one way or another as each day he eventually tells of every brutal thing he did and was done to him going from birth all the way through his early 40s. This includes feeling awkward, not fitting in, low self-esteem, bullying, mental illness, arson, theft, vandalism, special education, depression, marijuana addiction, alcoholism, drug abuse, sexual promiscuities, suicide, encounters with the law, accidents, illnesses, 9/11, and more. All of it leads down an even more vicious, destructive cycle while experiencing despair, loss of meaning, fear, and insanity. There is only one of two ways this could ultimately end but it does end with recovery, the 12 steps, and a brighter future with hope after 4 plus years. No one would know exactly who it is but that it is 100% true. The only problem is that hundreds of people would have known right away and everyone else rather soon, that it was me.


    Format: ePUB
    Kopierschutz: AdobeDRM
    Seitenzahl: 318
    Erscheinungsdatum: 19.09.2012
    Sprache: Englisch
    ISBN: 9781624880308
    Verlag: BookBaby
    Größe: 226 kBytes
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Honest, Open, Willing...My Journey From Despair To Hope

A pair of detectives came to my room a few minutes after we were allowed back upstairs to ask some questions. There was nothing claiming, showing, or proving that I had anything to do with starting that fire. There was no need to go down to the police station, be questioned any further, or was considered a suspect of this arson. By the morning, the event and the words from my dad and I had spread to everyone there for the training weekend. This included the UK based company who then had a good excuse to start selling direct to several of our best sales groups cutting us entirely out of that loop. They claimed only I (and their marketing director) was seen around the fire, there was something fishy, and that long term success could not be established with my dad's company due to his questionable heir. Still not sure what exactly happened or why this type of blackout happened again was enough to humble me at least half in size and confidence.

Life and work needed to continue and so did my training sales groups across the country. The only difference is that big money making, advanced, wall mounted gas detection systems were not added to my repertoire. Not even three weeks had gone by before I was up in the Pacific Northwest. There was a large sales group who had been working with us a long time that had offices in Portland, Seattle, and Spokane. I had always been going there about twice a year and flying from each of those cities to train and go on important customer sales calls with those branches. The first stop was Portland, Oregon on this particular itinerary. After two days, I was staying at a hotel near the Portland Airport so that I could take the very short flight up to Seattle the next morning to visit that office. That night it was Thursday, November 3, 1994. That night involved three glasses of Long Island Ice Tea, one Ambien, and the worst blackout up to and since then in my life.

The last thing I remembered was have drinks (and maybe some food) in the hotel bar. The next thing I remembered was having emergency vehicles all around me with lights flashing as emergency workers were pulling me out from behind the wheel of a crashed car with airbag inflated. In between was the hotel evicting me for trying to enter another room window where a couple was having sex. They nicely just got all my things together from the room and dropped me off at the airport terminal where my flight up to Seattle was the next morning. Instead of waiting, I went to rent a car and drive up to Seattle that night. Again...none of this in between do I remembered even vaguely. A car rental company actually rented me a car! Before I made it off of airport property, I smashed into and downed an airport light pole. There was no arrest or major problems because I was not considered DUI due to my size and having 'only' 3 drinks about 2 hours prior. God was watching me because I should have been dead, paralyzed, or at least in jail. American Express paid the $26,000 for the totaled car and my company paid the $1200 for the light pole. Never again did I travel and drink....while taking Ambien.

February 29

61 (Day 61) Honest Open Willing 2012 Post

Getting past the public school 'torments', then the college 'downfalls', and then finally facing the 'realities' of who I was and who I was not led to eventual progress. There were always setbacks of large to enormous proportions each time that there seemed to be progress made. When each progress met each setback then everything was gloom and doom. As said earlier, the better things got as I got older meant the setbacks were larger. Now I was feeling like hope was lost, I was sick of myself, and life had no meaning. Th

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